A roadhouse made of dreams
by Cody Robinson
Okay, so I recently asked what vibe I give and someone close to me said “North Queensland bogan.” Slightly offended, I took some time to self-reflect and my thoughts are in - I am proudly a North Queensland bogan! I’m telling you this because it adds credibility to this roadhouse rating I’m about to give you. It’s not a north Queensland roadhouse but damn, it’s actually really good.
I present Toogoolawah Roadhouse.
My ADHD fomo and curiosity made me stop here because what do you mean Australian cuisine? Oh wait and then retro theme? And toy shop? I volunteer as tribute!
Walking in, the first thing I noticed was that it was FREEZING. I want to describe how freezing it was but this photo of the condensation on the hot box will do it for me.
Oh, as soon as I stopped here, you bet I messaged my sisters group chat with a photo of the outside and said “I just know they have lasagne toppers.” I actually didn’t confirm, apologies (see: condensation on hot box) but I know in my soul, spiritually, that they do. Also, what a throwback to the counter lined with the best-of-the-best snackaroos. Right at kid eye level too so they can throw a tantrum and make the parents buy it. That’s marketing genius. There’s nothing quite like buying a bottle of chewy from the servo to make the drive less boring, am I right?
Speaking of things you need on a road trip. These bad boys!!! Jacaranda iced coffee. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know - it’s time to find out. Every time I feel like the world has lost its hope and charm, a rural servo will remind me Jacaranda is still in business. And while she’s still in business, there’s still hope.
Now for the sprawling menu. Country people love freedom. Particularly freedom of speech (apparently, but then block everyone who doesn’t agree with them about racism and homophobia so go figure?) and freedom to choose any damn food item off a menu. Also, I really was questioning if the “Australian cuisine” was a dog whistle to the racists but nooooooo it made me remember there actually is Australian cuisine and it starts and ends with beetroot on every burger ever. Some of my other favs? Crumb steak. Why is it objectively the worst cut ever but also so nostalgic. Bit like an OG oral fidget chew really.
Also I forgot how common a good old rump steak and eggs were for breakfast. I’m not even lying to you. Long before the cost of living crisis. I wonder how the country folk are faring? Might have to reduce it down to a crumbed steak and eggs in this economy. My grandad would be rolling in his grave.
And I’m not sure if it’s from fear or delight.
It’s probably the first environment I’ve been in that is as freezing cold as his bedroom on a summer's day powered by the good ol’ box aircon special. And here’s another reason - when you go into the dining room there’s a massage chair AND a tv with the remote!!!! I was fully transported back to my grandparents house. What do you MEAN we all get to sit here, all 7 of us aussie cuisine enthusiasts, and eat our delightful meal while watching a channel 7 zoo show at the same time?
Also quite generous was the sauce. I HATE the rort of paying 50c for a squeezy packet of sauce. That’s un-australian. That’s highway robbery, if you will. Here? Same brand as one my grandparents table in country Rockhampton by the Fitzroy. They don’t f*** spiders here.
They really give you a fair shake of the sauce bottle. Said sauce bottle? Yeh she’s been inserted into too many steaming meat pies, but OCD? We don’t know her around these parts of the bush. Everything is dirty and contaminated. Much like the next thing I experienced!
There’s just some things that give you a sense of peace and a filthy back of the toilet door at a roadhouse is one. If this was clean, I would not have ever been satisfied with the experience in its entirety. This topped it off for me.
Time to hit the road after experiencing an 11/10 country roadhouse.
Yee haw!
